Week 15: PLAYOFFS

And with that.. we head into the PLAYOFFS! IT’S HERE BOYS! TWO BRACKETS, MANY TEARS, MANY CHOICE WORDS, ONE PUNISHMENT, AND ONE JACKET!

It was a very strange year, for Chapter and the NFL as a whole. Let’s all settle down, kick back and relax, and see which random player is going to explode in the final three weeks to get someone a championship. I’ve already started talking my shit.. Emilio is understandably nervous.

The Rankings

ELIMINATED FROM PLAYOFF CONTENTION

10 - Aaron [3-11] – Round 1 Poop Bowl Matchup: Derek

We’ve already said a lot. I’ll leave you with this.. that was a scrappy performance to end the regular season. Kept me on my toes until midway through the second half of Monday night. I predict that you’ll win this week and not be in contention for last place punishment. Which is probably good, your daughter doesn’t need to see a video of her dad doing bad stand up in twenty years. Good luck sir.

9 - Josh [4-10] – Round 1 Poop Bowl Matchup: Blake

This was a low blow on a lot of levels.

Man, with all the trade activity I figured you were building a team to take it all the way. We’ll have to use this as a case study to figure out if trading actually helps you in fantasy. If nothing else, you provoked some bidding wars and a lot of league chatter, and for that we thank you.

I’m still looking through your roster to see where it went wrong. Metcalf failed you for the most part, but other than that I want to chalk it up to bad luck. The real stat to explain it.. you had the most points against you for the season, taking that title away from Derek.

But hey, you got yourself a stud keeper in process. Cheers to your co-commish season, your trades, your banter, and good luck in the toilet bowl.

8 - Derek [5-9] – Round 1 Poop Bowl Matchup: Aaron

Another low blow. To be honest, didn’t feel nearly as bad as Josh’s.

Like Jalen Hurts, you put your best foot forward.. but your best foot is a cleft footed, smelly, toes-hangin-all-off-the-side mess. Don’t start an Only Fans, unless it’s with your neighbor.

The comeback was very much real until two weeks ago. AJ and Bowers couldn’t decide when to turn it on all season. And I take a little bit of responsibility for your demise, Jefferson was a dud in 2025. Makes me sad too.

A lot of mid weeks, questionable start/sit decisions (79% start/sit accuracy is bad), and bad special teams. It takes a coordinated effort to make the big dance, and the Mafia just couldn’t put it together this year. Keep talkin yo shit, and good luck in the toilet bowl.

7 - Blake [4-10] – Round 1 Poop Bowl Matchup: Josh

Only fitting that your playoff hopes came down to your keeper. Ladd had the opportunity to put the team on his back and get you a spot in the big dance, but the Eagles D was having none of it. Ladd floundered, and you have a spot in the toilet bowl.

Another squad that had very relevant pieces that just couldn’t put it together at the same time. Good news is you get to take Hampton into the toilet bowl to try and stay out of punishment. It was a tough year, but as always it was a pleasure getting to compete. And lastly, thank you and your service members for support all of our Christmas bullshit.

Yearly reminder boys, tip your mail man.

Playoff Teams

6 – Charles [6-8] – 1st Round Matchup: Emilio

More than likely this is my last week of relevance, but after the start I had I’m gonna take a second to gloat.

WE MADE IT! A SAD SONG WAS WRITTEN, WE LISTENED, AND IT FUELED OUR FIRE. THE ISLAND OF MISTFIT TOYS ARE NO MORE.. NINE IS HERE FOR A PLAYOFF RUN.

I’m not even going to comment on the pieces that got us this far, we’ll do that in my eulogy. Plus I don’t want to jinx any positivity I have going on right now. For now, let’s sit back and see if this mess of a roster can get one on Emilio.

5 - Max [7-7] – 1st Round Matchup: Timmy

All questions have been answered, you’re ready for a playoff run. Max hit a bit of a skid coming into week 14, and commentary around the league was that his team wasn’t for real. Max and the squad proceeded to put up 157, the high total on the week. That’s the way to start a run.

Huge matchup this week, the two hottest team in Chapter face off to decide who goes on to play Dylan. I know Max is itching to get back at Dylan, but it’ll take a great effort to get through the surging Cluckers.

You’re hoping for a huge offensive game for Buffalo, a big Waddle game out of a bye, and for Puka to keep scoring touchdowns. It’s a fairly even matchup on paper, now go get the best of your rival.

4 - Timmy [8-6] – 1st Round Matchup: Max

5 GAME HEATER! What a way to head into the playoffs.

It seems the hotness could be here to stay. Your matchups this week are beautiful to start the playoffs. King Henry vs the Bengals, check. Saquon and the Eagles DESPERATELY needing a bounce back vs the shitty Raiders, check. JSN vs Indy and whoever’s grandpa they’re throwing out at QB. Check check check.

I can’t wait for this matchup, you guys are on fire and it should be a barn burner. Good luck, and may the best man win.

3 - Emilio [10-4, BELT HOLDER] – 1st Round Matchup: Charles

I know you’re not sweating this matchup at all.. but in the back of your mind I know you’re questioning what’s happening. The fantasy gods obviously have a plan for me, and you might be the first victim.

In all seriousness, you’re another team that prepped beautifully for the playoffs. All of your matchups are in the green, and you get McCaffery healthy off of a bye. It’ll be a tough task for me, and if you take care of business you’re set up nicely to compete the rest of the way. Good luck to you as well.. but also fuck off.

2 - Tyler [11-3] – Bye Week

Coolin this week – with an experiment to observe while you wait for your matchup. If Phil Rivers gives the Colts life you get a lot of confidence in your JT as a result. Here’s hoping Gpa strength is real in the NFL.

Keep the boys healthy and humming. You get me or Emilio next week.

1 - Dylan [12-2] – Bye Week

Same deal, locked in and waiting to see which of Timmy or Max make it to the next round. If it’s Max, I hope there’s pure hatred spewed all week. If it’s Timmy, I’m gonna need a good song to accompany the occasion.

Good luck fellas

Cheers 

Love, your CHAMPION - Charles Yaeger

Notes from the editor- Site updates come out Wednesday or Thursday before the game. Send all your damning pics of your league mates to Charles.